week forty >> "in me"

"in me"       click to view

Week 40 of ZBOOK4ever.com! 

We have you the story (here) of our first official collaboration back in 1996 at UCSB, a show called Indulge, for which we put the first words, ideas, and instincts in ZBOOK.  It was the first co-creative experiment where we put our co-visions into co-actions, rising all challenges and opportunities to trust.  The show was about the senses and included multiple experience involving food and invitations to indulge.  The show was sparked by an indulgent, colorful, decadent, delicious dessert we had shared some months before that our senses all riled up.  We seemed to feel that the food itself was enjoying the experience, and wrote some words as if from the food's perspective... of course enjoying how such a dialogue mirrored the traditional sense of sensuality.

 

Most of this in in Jennifer's handwriting and so this marks most probably the first of countless verses that she gifted ZBOOK with.  Clearly, ZBOOK was a place where we felt completely free to creatively explore and express, from the very beginning.  This simple thing is really the most healing, freeing, and vital gift... along with profound trust we forged in blending our expressions, and I am so grateful to have this experience of life.  So grateful for Jennifer and our ZBOOK.


∞ ceci
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week thirty three >> "transmute"

"the opening" of Indulge celebrated on right    click to view

Back in May, in a post called "trust," I told the story about the first "official" collaboration that Jennifer and I did, a show called Indulge at UCSB. The left side of Z page~spread this week "Transmute" is the other side to a page (we have yet to present here in ZBOOK4ever) with shiny colorful stickers of champagne and cheer in celebration of "the opening" of our show on december 10th, 1996... turn the page and find this muted and rather dark page which mutters "the cleanup," the burnt colors bleeding unto it's preceding page, revealing the other side of the proverbial coin of "the opening." The experience that our show had offered included the indulgence of food for the senses, a lot of food, including a floor covered in powdered sugar for the shoeless to sink their toes in.  Well, we flirted with indulgence and indulgence toyed with us in return taunting, you want to play, okay, I'll overindulge you then... and all the indulgent amounts of yum soon verged on yuck... as the powdered sugar floor turned into a sticky mess. A sticky mess that was not forgiving in the least.  Powdered sugar, it looks sweet, but it is not to be underestimated; it is horribly stubborn in fact... as dear Jennifer found out the next day after our show. I had not anticipated the need for such an elongated "de-stall" time and had made plans for which I honored, simultaneously dishonoring the reality of the closure of our show's cleanup and Jennifer who was left to deal with the unruly bully who wouldn't budge from the gallery floor.  

"transmute"           click to view

One day soon after I opened ZBOOK to this burnt page with muttered words "the cleanup" and at once held my breath... until I hurt in my chest, until finally all I could choose to do was breathe again and with that breath came deep gratitude... for the immense cleanup that Jennifer took for the team... and for the friendship that made it possible for trust to allow the experience to transmute itself into a philosopher's stone of experience of surrender, forgiveness and love.  The aqua-blue spheres came through Jennifer's hand as well, I believe, and when they appeared on the right page the next year, I felt that the burnt terrain was being renewed with cleansing waters for a fresh new face of one doosey of a first collaboration.  The word Transmute blossomed onto the spread... now a reverence to the space, of time, trust, love, and breath that restores life experiences into a renewed form, stronger and mature and free to transmute again.  Thank you Hemphill for your earnestness in seeing our show All the way through and for loving me All the way through too.

∞ ceci

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pieces of Cec

outlines of color gradients from gesture strokes beneath
detail of "unfolding at dawn" Jan 2010.... click for larger view

When a drawing's ink goes through to the other side of the page, the shapes that are relieved on that other side cannot be denied.  These shapes are fragments, "negative" space, that the mind then can reconnect into a transformed and new whole.  When I see these shapes revealed through the bled-through ink lines I am instantly compelled to outline them.  I love to create new whole formations and new possibilities out of discarded parts; that must be why I love to outline everything!  Isolating shapes of color or opacity creates a new visual playground to embark from.  I like to discover which images emerge and allow their forms to mutate in my mind, like when gazing upon the clouds.

"enjoy the ride" click for larger view

"identity"  click for larger view

On the left side of this week's "enjoy the ride" we see shapes created by ink lines that came through from the other side's marker drawing of Fiona (as seen in last week's "identity").  So of course I outlined these shapes, the ones in pink, and Jennifer later came in with black to give some outlining to the less defined shapes around Fiona, which I love because it reveals a sort of aura of hers.  Followed by another aura layer of Jennifer's silver force field lines, and then by my red emanating lines, I would say that this side of the page reveals Fiona's energetic body.

This is profound for me because her emanation casts upon the fragmented face that I painted in Guadalajara in 1997 while recovering from an accident I had months before.  In 1996, the year that Jennifer and I discovered our friendship, I was in a major bicycle accident in which I flew over the handlebars and the entire impact of my landing was endured by my face and skull therein.  It marks a significant launching point in my life, one that presented the opportunity for me to dispel identities of victimhood from my life, and to reclaim myself whole, in more ways than one.  I had felt quite fragmented already as a person since some experiences in my childhood, and then BAM the literal translation came as half my face was torn up to the tune of 300 stitches in reconstructive surgery.   I was so driven at the time to meet my pre-set goals that it took me months to finally take the time off I needed to recuperate. Although these months, during which I forced myself back to school, were rough, it was also the time when ZBOOK with born (!) and Jennifer and I had our first collaboration together "Indulge."  The show (and my recovering brain and face) presented tough but important challenges for us (see trust).

faces done in marker, 1997 journal
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When I finally did surrender to ceasing my "doing" to recover my living, I went to Guadalajara where Vinh, my partner at the time, was studying medicine.  It was May and Vinh's year finished a month after my arrival.  He went home to California for a summer month and I had space alone to recoup.  It was during this time I began to paint these faces, painted as if in pieces, but really I was simply emphasizing the individual shapes of the face, allowing negative space to provide the (out)lines.  Sometime later after painting the silver one on Z page that later became known as "enjoy the ride", I went back and wrote an anecdote of this critical time with in the negative space lines in the face.  

"Enjoy the Ride" Jennifer added years later.  I don't even know if she was aware at the time that the face is in connection to my bicycle "ride."  It's perfect.  Because although I wouldn't have signed up for it, my "accident" was a great blessing and opportuntiy for me to piece myself back together, beyond my face and brain, to get back in touch with and reclaim all the Cec I thought I had lost, that I thought was taken from me during past emotional trauma as an adolescent.  And I could only do this within the stillness I had never before allowed myself to have.  I had to FACE myself and know who I was, despite the transfigured and fragmented face I carried while all my sutures were healing.  For I am not this face or this body, truly.  I am who I am at my very essence of being ...Cec. The particular frequency of my own spirit, my energetic body emanating from within, chemistrizing with the world and with you.  And no one can take that away from me.  And so I give great gratitude for my "ride" as a vital rite of passage in the great ride of life.  Enjoy the the ride!

∞ ceci

happy Mama day!

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dearest ~J~ happy mama day!

~J~ is a mother of 2 beautiful children, ~h~ is 8 and ~j~ is 3 in a couple days! ~J~ is truly the divine mama -it has been an honor and joy to witness J's opulent grace through her Being mother. The patient and ever present quality of her nurturing, the nurturing of her children's imaginations, creativity, & reverence for beauty, her devotion and earnest love for her family... ~J~ is an inspiration. Thank you ~J~ for the love you foster in your family is a gift to our planet. happy day! love u, cec

J & all~ Have you heard of StoryCorps? It's a nonproft group who has set up recording booths in public places all over the U.S. for people to freely enter in pairs to share a conversation, sharing their voices, their story.  A copy of every story is stored at Library of Congress and StoryCorps has become, since 2003, one of the largest oral history projects in U.S. history.  The project has produced a couple books, one of which just came out, called "Mom: A Celebration of Mothers from StoryCorps"   It shares the conversations btwn mothers & their children.  Here is an excerpt from last friday's Democracy Now! where Amy Goodman interviews the founder of StoryCorps, Dave Isay, about the book and how prevalent and endearing the voices & stories of mothers have been during this amazing adventure in the gleaning of stories.

In the celebration of storytelling and of mamas everywhere, please enjoy... Happy mama day to all!

link to this

 Happy mama day to mama Gladys and mama Lucky! We love you, we are so grateful for you!

∞ ceci

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our companion

~J~ holding ZBOOK  click for larger view

It is lovely to share with you the open spreads of pages from ZBOOK... but how about the object of the book itself?  Here see ZBOOK in our hands.  Our fearless companion through the many ventures of our lives from 21 to 35 years of age.  The book, which ~J~ and I created and communicated through over land, sea, and time, became it self a friend, a safe and fun place to release dreams and fears and wonderment.  When it would arrive into my hands for the next round with me, it would be the sweetest reunion, like with a best friend.  ZBOOK in my bag and we'd be ready to make any ol' outing a fun adventure.  What I see, what I feel, things I find... ZBOOK would receive it all.  Whenever ~J~ and I would do a hand to hand exchange of ZBOOK, the moment would have a very special and reverent quality, with a sweet sigh of profound honor.  And a touch of giddy.  [This continues today as we exchange our current through XBOOK, which was birthed 6 years ago.]  ZBOOK has held together pretty well considering the many years of wear and tear.  We carried it in a paper sleeve for many years, which was the envelope that license plates arrive by mail in, a perfect fit.  Today ZBOOK is housed in a soft grey leather book sleeve that I found at a vintage store in the town of Joshua Tree.

ceci holding ZBOOK   click for larger view

When you hold ZBOOK in your hands there is a lovely weight to it.  Open it up to pages overflowing with textures - of found object, collage, chalk, wax, ballpoint pen, stickers and rubber cement.  There are many occurrences of shine and iridescence -via metallic inks, paints and more stickers(!)- which make the pages come alive in endless ways under all the various lights of day or night.  It is very speical for us to share ZBOOK in person.  Maybe one day the opportunity will arise for you to meet ZBOOK. 

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∞ ceci

6

rootways

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Ceci spoke the word "root" today during our backyard conversation under the blossoming pomegranate tree....a word that is sticking to my thoughts and feelings as I embrace the mad CHAOS of 'indulge'.  There is in this spread so much overlapping and crossing of lines and colors that I feel as I look into it as if I am plunging into the dirt to extract the minerals from the soil.  I want to suck in these words which we once poured onto this page in our quest to form the spark of creative collaboration.  I want to drink their vitality with my straw.  Yet, something now holds me back from disecting the ground as I am drawn to do.  My sense is that in this page, I  know there is incredible power.  There is a certain sacredness here which leads me to a much more inward reflection.  Like walking the path of a spiral on the ground, this page with so much insanity vibrating all within it leads me to want to shed the chaos, rather than focus in on it.  As i walk the spiral of my thoughts, calming, clarifying, I receive a light of inspiration from this work.   Reflecting into the biography of our work, revealing the roots of our time together and the work both visible and invisible which has proceeded through the years to bring us to this place of inspiring collaboration - it is energizing!  It is so I believe because in this process of looking back with attention to each page, yes, it is wonderful to release the stories of time and places and people, that is thrilling, and more bright for me at this moment is the exhiliration that by engaging this reflective work, we are strengthening our current and potential work with layers of energy.  Yeeha!  And so, I leave this post, looking into the image of indulge for closing revelations... and I see the cutout of computer drones, labeled buyers and sellers, and in the center, we have written, INTERPRETERS - yes, we are interpreters of our own pathways on this day.
Blessings,
-J.

trust

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Looking at this "indulge" page it's hard to know where to focus. There are so many layers of different lines, shapes, and colors, and so chaotic in relation that it reminds me of acid jazz. Makes a lot of sense though considering the very first layer of the page was a storm itself. The words of our brainstorm for our colab show Indulge, back in 1996, written the first day of sharing this co-journal (!). The energy of those days must have been imprinted on the page because the shapes and lines that eventually emerged from it are all kinds of crazed.

Indulge was our first collaboration together. The first time we were officially putting our creative synergy to work. After the initial excitement, we got to work and soon found ourselves confronted with unexpected challenges. Perhaps we had taken our special bond for granted and assumed that because our co-creative play was so fluid that our co- creative work would follow suit. But here you had two very bold and independent individuals who were used to running their own ships. We now had choices to make- together. Roles to take on and now also give up. Shapes of visions to pursue and now also compromise. I discovered that although we shared an instant soul connection and kinship, the depths of out trust were still yet to be developed. I remember feeling rather shocked and disorientated, not knowing what was occurring, not being able to recognize that it was trust that was lacking in the moments of discord. Frankly, I couldn't fathom that trust could be an issue at all between us. But I was underestimating the great undertaking it is to create in partnership. Great and noble, that is if you can create boldly and humbly at the same time, and if you can truly trust each other's instincts and the independent life of the co-process.

It was a fantastic experience, that show. A vital one for us as artists and collaborators and friends. It was our reality check that our creative working relationship was not to be assumed into existence but instead was something to be developed and honed. I grew to see that we GET to develop and strengthen our art, our collaboration, our trust-- like any composition in the making. And that is precisely what we continued to do, little by liitle, more and more, for 14 years in the creation of ZBOOK. I remember our first drawings in ZBOOK were done in separate corners, so careful not to interfere with each other. Then slowly but surely at some point beginning to intertwine. And then a few years in, bold moves began in painting or collaging on top of other images, changing the entire essence of a page. That takes trust, on both sides, to let go and let it become. And when you do give that trust and receive it, wow, it feels amazing. Amazing to allow a piece to become what it must despite the ideas of your own mind. In the last 4 years we have been bringing closure to ZBOOK together, working the pages simultaneously (after ten years of switching it back and forth over distance and time). It has been exhilarating to observe the fluidity with which we now create together, like visually finishing each other's sentences. Yes we are amazing friends, but it is the amount of time and attention we have given to our co-creative work, via ZBOOK, that has cultivated the trust that makes the level of our collaboration today possible.

Thank you ~J~ from the depths of my soul for your incredible collaboration and amazing trust. love u.

∞ ceci

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week three>> "indulge"

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Week three, yeah!  This week we explore a page-spread that is truly at the very roots of ZBOOK.  This is a page that was marked upon on the very first day of ZBOOK's existence in 1996.  We were at Freebirds in Isla Vista (student-town adjacent to campus where we lived) having burritos and a brainstorm for our upcoming collaborative show at Gallery 1434 at UCSB.   On one side we made lists of things "to do" in preparation for the event, and on the other random bursts of words inspired by the senses, for that was what this show was about.  The show, Indulge, was an interactive experience where people could explore indulgence in taste, fragrance, color, and touch.  There were stations where you could combine different foods and focus intently on the sensory experience.  Upon entering the gallery one would receive a card with guidelines and for this the words were initially brainstormed here on this page of our co-journal, ZBOOK.  Over the years this page has obviously evolved into a visual feast, but much like the show itself, has become rather overly decadent.  One of us, in this week's posts, is sure to get into the powdered sugar floor we created for the Indulge show and how that went ;)  ...and other stories...

Plus, we'll be sharing about some current brainstorms and curiosities.  Again, we would love to hear about what you think and your stories.  Please "comment"!  And email us ...it would be fun to post about your creative adventures too!

∞ ceci

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