week sixty nine >> "transmission"

Sarah Kay

in a most compelling transmission of transmissions,
spoken word artist Sarah Kay tells all about telling....
of story, and how we can discover our value through
uncovering and releasing the nuanced facets of our
own unique ways of tasting life. >> click video below

"transmission"   click to view

Mz Kay is doing some of the most important work 
on the planet, I feel.  thank you Sarah.

∞  ceci



 




















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week sixty eight >> "transmission"

"transmission"             click to view

back in los angeles for a few days now, decompression underway, transition from a major transmission. my trip, a couple very intense weeks, intensely beautiful, and intensely shifting as I come face to face  -like in every visit for the past few years, this one more than ever-  with the genes, the roots, the core tendencies, and the beauty of myself, my mom, and my Tata, with curious clues to what likely was for her mama and hers and...  reflections abound and choices make their forking roads clear; which threads do I regenerate, and which end now with me?  I am presented with the opportunity to step wide and observe the tight knit patterns in a different way than ever done before, without judgment, releasing shame and blame and regret, all with reverence to the pain, the loss, and the gain, not denying it, facing and feeling it through -as dark as the shadows may get, clearing the bounds, freeing myself to observe my roots and myself clearly, with love instead of animosity, and choose from here,   in this clearing, perhaps the first one vested with the liberty to observe, to choose, and to change.  vested because I choose to receive it, to step into this clearing, this freedom to free myself and my lineage, to choose how to live fully; and it is undoubtedly a golden privilege to do so. this visit comes at a critical current juncture of my life with major awakenings and transformations, and O yes transmissions, taking place through me.  I didn't even know I was pupa for so long. I'm dying now. surrender. and a "gloriously winged creature"* is busting through as we speak.  
ready for take off.

∞ 6 


* Chris Stevens ~ Mosquito Spring episode, season 4: Northern Exposure

week forty five >> "love"

I was out in the backyard this morning to absorb and reflect the changing light while taking detail shots of this weeks spread, 'love', aka "A Mother's Love."  The irridescence of lines and forms is radiant on these pages - catching gesture and highlights with brilliance as the viewer, me today, positions and repostions in relation to zbook.  I am particularly caprivated by the subtle color nuances enlivening the scene of foothills. 

The ladies head expressing atop these mountains holds form as a Queen of the Hills, a Goddess of the rolling, skyreaching earth.  She is piercing, this Woman of the moutains.  As my eyes travel into her domain, I am aware that she floats as well as soars, and that she speaks from under watercolors; waves and bubbles encapsulating her, and so I am now aware that these mountains are too under the sea perhaps.  As I dive upward, the moon glow of the love star leads me into a night sky and so I rock between the above and below surface.

On another note, in Burbank today, there was a five minute flurry of snow.  Tony and Hallie were prepped for an outing into the mountains and Jack and I were wrapped in ready for a wet bike ride to the library.  We had just started down the street when Hallie called to us amazedly, "it's snowing!"  We stopped in wonder, rejoined each other and romped raucously about as our front lawn turned white for a moment in time.  I felt a proudness in my Mothering Love, to be ready and available for this miracle; the snow softness lasted only a short short while before returning into a brief icy form and then back to water. 

Later, as Jack was playing in the wet sand of the park, I felt again a surge of brightness in my love, knowing how grand this play in the elements is for the soul.  I was thinking of this spread, and holding the picture of the watching, the caring through the eyes which is a gift of motherhood.  Thank you zbook for bringing forth these openings in your imagery to allow me to connect here and now in my path of self and giving.   I call out to zbook admirers, leave a note on any page, let us know how an image connects to your here and now.    Blessings and enjoy the weather, whatever it may bring, -Jennifer

week forty four >> "amor (love dub)"

"amor (love dub)"       clik to view

This week of valentines brings forth Z page "amor," our most lovey duby spread which I affectionately call the "love-dub" spread. We definitely let ourselves go super girly here, which is my style really, not Jennifer's either, but still undeniably part of our ethos growing up as girls... an ethos I highly resisted I must say, as I never felt akin to the frills and pinks of "what girls like."  I shunned the color pink my entire childhood all the way until I was almost 30... when I realize that my rebellion had only given power to the mass perceived linkage to gender and that the color pink was independently quite innocent and its energetic properties were actually quite aligned with being.... in love.  And so I reclaimed it for my own, on my own terms, in my own truth... and every now and then you may even find me wearing it.

Setting myself free in Z pages of Z book from the ages of 22 to 36, definitely included a lot of reclaiming of old loved things that had been forgotten and these old territories previously subverted.  This page~spread became the place where stickers and images of hearts and romance came to BE, in all there lovey dubbiness.  Where it's okay to be smooshy and kissy and sweet.  And although this indeed is not the whole embodiment of being a girl, why deny this sweet open hearted facet all together.  The world could benefit from allowing more the expression of it's tolerance, kindness, and love... and recognize vulnerability as the strength and vital force that it is.

In this TEDtalk, acclaimed playwright Eve Ensler speaks about how "that there is a girl cell in us all -- a cell that we have all been taught to suppress." That this girl cell in us ALL, women and men,  is compassion, empathy, vulnerability, openness, intensity, relationship and intuition. And how "this particular grouping of cells is central to the evolution of our species and the continuation of the human race."  I invite you to check this out, this is compelling stuff:

I wish someone would have reminded me when I was little that I didn't have to suppress my girly side in order to embrace my masculine energy and that in fact my intuition and ability to connect and relate were strengths and assets vital to my life and our world.  I'm grateful for this awareness now, and my experience through ZBOOK has helped me realize this for myself beyond measure.  This is a huge reason of why we want to share ZBOOK with the world now, starting with a focus on young girls, to help ALL recognize and revere the POWER of all of our open hearted sensibilities.  

∞ ceci

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week forty three >> "into the source"

Through Z page this week, Flip right "into the source."  I would like to allow this page to speak for itself, through all that is evoked within you, our friends with whom we shares Z pages of ZBOOK...

 "into the source I scream my song"

 

click these to get in close

The nights I gave birth to cosmic forces formed

through my body to flesh and blood

I oozed and endured

imagined and trusted;

I breathed through waves

of undercurrent Cave Creation

Jennifer Gould

  

Thank you Hemphill for your courage, in life, in giving life, and in releasing your most vunerable, powerful expressions of your heART.  

I am honored to be your sister. I love you.

∞ ceci

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week twenty eight >> "phases"

 Into the glorious song of the moon we swim with this weeks 'phases' spread. 

Have you stepped outside to view the white goddess at night lately - tonight her beams cast light through wisps of windy clouds.  In the last few days her glow has burned holes through rainy clouds in my neck of the woods.  Certainly I've been witness to crazy driving and a bit of madness as the moon swelled full over the weekend and began her waning retreat in the last few days.  I took my kids to a daylight version of a Haunted Hayride on Saturday and with widening eyes was assured that the nights unleashings were beyond our howling capacities - at least as a family.  Our culture has an allowance for the release of a bit of stored in lunacy as Halloween season takes hold.  I can feel it in the air myself.  I feel it bulging in me as a sense of apprehension for some reason this year.  I think I'm honed in to my daughters nightmare holdings at present.  Every day for a bit now, when she wakes, she tells me of the fright she had in her dreams through the night - lots of death and darkness swirling in her passages.  Being her sensitive mother, I've no doubt absorbed into some of her experience. 

I remember sharing with Cec once my perception of the right side of this page, with its big eyes, as something from an old Bugs Bunny cartoon.  I have a memory of a dreamscape scene in which Bugs is running from and confronting this large furry redish beast.  It's head was very bulbous and their chase was through dark tunnels.  The thing about the creature were its huge white eyes taking up the breath of its massive head.  This page draws the sense of that encounter I still hold within me - kind of creepy, and also entertaining because it's quite silly and slightly disturbing.  Mostly my presence with that memory is of contending with something scary because it's unknown.

I've been trying to allow the children I'm working with at school to channel some of this rumbling unknown by bringing long jump to our training this week.  The instructions I've gleaned are to recommend they picture the elements in their process.  Like water, smooth and flowing they run toward the takeoff platform, where they ignite fire toward an explosion of their power which lifts them into the air for a flight on the wind till the gravity of the earth pulls them to their landing.  Mostly after their practice jumps, I remind them to focus on the fire of the liftoff.  To a few I speak the want for flight to hold its freedom.  At night, I notice my meditations of each child, where I picture them individually, are strong in the gesture offered in this act of the longjump.  It's a precious opportunity to see each of them one at a time engaged in an intense and focused output.  Often I work on a few kids at a time in my meditations, but occassionally I bring the lot of them in.  It's made me fully aware this week that I'm engaged with ninety five emerging humans.  When I think then of the parents who surround those ones whom I'm also engaged with and then the other groups of writhing humanity, it's a bit dizzying, no wonder I'm exhausted nightly!

And then, there are the blessings of rhythms and phases, seasons and cycles, which help to keep it all in balance.  The poem written in the golden lines at right of 'phases' was appropriated from the pages of "SageWoman", a periodical from my past collections which offered me many moments of self realization and attunement with the natural world.  I'm especially grateful still to that publication for the referral to the writings of Susan Weed, herbalist extraordinaire.  Thank goodness for the healing power of the moon.  I think I'll go out right now, before I'm off to bed, and soak in the showering calmness of her gaze.  Blessings and Be well, -J.

soul sisters

           * click all images for large view*  (thanks to my mama for capturing most of these)

Last weekend I had the privilege and honor to participate in the Agape Soul Sisters Retreat at the Temescal Gateway Park in Pacific Palisades.  Like last year, my amazing mom gifted me this experience.  I have to admit, in my life I haven't been exactly enthralled by all women's gatherings.  In fact most of my life the majority of my friends have been dudes.  Of course though I have had and have a handful of very close friends who are women, they are indeed sisters to my heart and soul, who's friendships have graced my life.  I just have felt more comfortable in groups with both genders, generally.  So when my mom invited me to this retreat last year, I was like, cool, okay, this should be nice, a weekend with the ladies.  

Little did I know that I would be blown away by the experience of this outstanding group of people, each one so very beautiful... with unique stories, qualities, talents, and vision.  Experiencing this diversity of backgrounds, ages, shapes and sizes, affinities, voices, gifts, colors, and beauty was like swimming in a vast body of rich, life renewing, multi-sourced mineral water where a million earthly rivers did converge, powerfully refreshing.  I felt like I was in a power plant of human magnificence.  And I walked away from that weekend and into the world looking at EVERY human being with a slight tilt of my head and little grin wondering, I bet you are amazing aren't you, if I were to stop and listen to your stories, reveal who you are and what you are creating, I would discover you beautiful, I can feel it.  EVERYone, female or male, after that simply radiated to me.  And this feeling made me feel beautiful.  Helped me feel my own beauty.  Healing.

Well, this year was again a prolifically inspiring convergence of human beings. I am honored to be a part of it, to participate in this deep think-feel-be-flourish tank, to give and receive the gift of vulnerability, openness, and TRUST that is the ultimate strength and power. 

counsel of wise women, 2009

Quite possibly the most profound and wonderful part of this retreat is the counsel of wise women, our elders, who greet us as daughters when we arrive to the opening gathering on friday, and on saturday we gather around for "Tell Mama," a time that anyone can express something or ask a question to our elder women for a reflection from their earnest wisdom.  And at our closing ceremony on sunday, as we honor each season of age of all the women present, when we get to the "New Spring" to honor the amazing counsel of wise women, well, my heart busts into a million grateful pieces as I behold their grace.  I saw my grandma Tata up there standing with them, and out of total joy I humbly cried and gave thanks.  I am going soon to visit my grandma Tata to celebrate her 99 years alive!

my mama (far right), her wonderful friends
who headed the call, and me (on far left)

These are prayer squares (at right).  You carry yours with you and with a friend you present it and ask your friend for a prayer.  Your friend, in agreement, signifies the prayer by tying a knot with it's strings. And now you carry with you a visual and tactile reminder that your prayer is alive, and as these exchanges continue so do grow the prayers and their knots on your prayer square.  These were made by a group of women at the retreat for all of us.  I was gifted my square as well as another to gift to a friend. Yesterday I gave it to Jennifer and we exchanged prayers and knots. These are our squares in our hands.

Quan Yin statue reflecting at the soul sister alter

"good witch"      click to view

Our stories, our creativity, our gifts and what we give... I am waking up to that these are our expressions yes, AND they are the way we heal... ourselves, and one another.  Our medicine is the art and the stories of our lives.  In this sense we are medicine women and shamans.  Medicine women were deemed witches not long ago... and sO  we re-claim ourselves to that of a "good witch" like Glinda, here on Z page this week, beautiful and powerful because of her compassion, love and healing Grace.

in love & gratitude

∞ ceci

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