week sixty eight >> "transmission"

"transmission"             click to view

back in los angeles for a few days now, decompression underway, transition from a major transmission. my trip, a couple very intense weeks, intensely beautiful, and intensely shifting as I come face to face  -like in every visit for the past few years, this one more than ever-  with the genes, the roots, the core tendencies, and the beauty of myself, my mom, and my Tata, with curious clues to what likely was for her mama and hers and...  reflections abound and choices make their forking roads clear; which threads do I regenerate, and which end now with me?  I am presented with the opportunity to step wide and observe the tight knit patterns in a different way than ever done before, without judgment, releasing shame and blame and regret, all with reverence to the pain, the loss, and the gain, not denying it, facing and feeling it through -as dark as the shadows may get, clearing the bounds, freeing myself to observe my roots and myself clearly, with love instead of animosity, and choose from here,   in this clearing, perhaps the first one vested with the liberty to observe, to choose, and to change.  vested because I choose to receive it, to step into this clearing, this freedom to free myself and my lineage, to choose how to live fully; and it is undoubtedly a golden privilege to do so. this visit comes at a critical current juncture of my life with major awakenings and transformations, and O yes transmissions, taking place through me.  I didn't even know I was pupa for so long. I'm dying now. surrender. and a "gloriously winged creature"* is busting through as we speak.  
ready for take off.

∞ 6 


* Chris Stevens ~ Mosquito Spring episode, season 4: Northern Exposure