week seventy three>> "Yippee"

Sweet Cec,


These last two weeks of zbook non posting have gone by with blur and chaos and pain.
Seeing you yesterday was a much needed joining of our selves.
I crashed in the night, feeling bodily sick to my stomach - I know that the popcorn from Hallie and my outing, combined with the glass of wine was not sitting well, but also I think I ingested some of the emotional swirl which released in our time together.

"yippee"       click to view

On this 'yippee' spread, which we will now move from, didn't you tell me that the story words under 'Now I'm Free' are an accounting of your own life changing accident?  And I know I shared that the 'Yippee' is a characteristic quote from my Grandma who is now deep in the heat of a life altering year.  She told me recently that she is having trouble envisioning the future for herself, and that is so frustrating because she has more love to give and more time she wants to spend with us.  I imagine one of the hardest parts of that experience for her is that it is a new experience, being as she has been such an optimistic thinker all her life.


Ive got to go now.  I love you and am here for you with an ear, a hand, a hug, a home, whatever love.
Be well, -J.

week sixty seven >> "Fiesta"

Hello from Cartagena! I have the great privilege to be here once again visiting my grandma Tata, continuing to enjoy her in excellent health and sound sharp mind, and this year we are celebrating her 100 years alive! She is truly "una maravilla." She is outlasting a century! 

And in that century the entire world has turned over a billion times over. How can she even recognize it? Mostly, she doesn't, and as humans do she sees only what is real for her and all the rest is like a mirage that passes over her like a weather system, like a parallel universe. isn't it though? all of time happening at once makes for untold parallel universes all operating in one woven fabric of life. she certainly lives in hers, her own world. no need to time travel, I can touch another time by touching her, and being touched by her stories. ~ after experiencing the advent of electricity, telephone, radio, and film, how crazy that we are now showing her slideshow movies of her life on an ipad. she tells me she has no idea how it is happening, and the truth is neither do I! Heck, I don't even understand the complete workings of electricity. But we enjoy the experience anyhow. Everyone asks me "how does she do it?" referring to my Tata's age, and health to boot. Again, it's not something to figure out or be understood, it is something to enjoy and experience. I am so grateful that I get to enjoy her still. And that is what Tata does, she's living in a future world, she doesn't understand it, but she continues to live it well.

me and Tata at 230am, night of her 100th birthday

We had a huge elegant celebration for Tata on her birthday… FIESTA!  When we got home at 230am, she still wanted to hang out and eat cake.  My Tata, she loves to party.   

"fiesta"        click to view

∞ 6


ps(l): Thank you Hemphill for the Bday love, for both me and my Tata!  

week sixty six >> "Fiesta"

Fiesta

mysteries revered

Happy Birthday Auntie Ceci, We love you and celebrate you!  May life's great mysteries be revealed for your clear heart to receive!  What is the phrase your family sings to you where you are visiting?

And Happy Centennial Tata - Increible!  May the Wisdom of life's experience beam forth unto the glory and blessing of all who surround you, reflecting back unto your own shining soul.

Be well and Blessings,
Love Hemphill

week thirty eight >> "we (will) influence"

Happy 2011!  Wow, just as I thought I was used to the 2000s this year of 2011 hits and it feels as surreal as ever. Most likely because I have never experienced a decade of teens; all these early century years are tripping me out. What do we even call this decade?  There were the 70's, the 60's, the 90's, the 20's and I guess we referred to the last decade as the 2000's, but this one, what? the 2010's? Seems weird.  I say teens, but 2010-2012's 10-12 are not actually teen numbers.  I guess we are in pre-teen years :)  ...I do know one person who has lived in teen numbered years... my grandma Tata, who was born in 1911! Although her birthday isn't for 9 more months, I am celebrating NOW.  It is 2011 after all, officially 100 years since 1911. But just because she has known years ending in teen numbers doesn't mean she is any less tripped out by the 2010's, in fact my mind-trip pales in comparison to Tata's!  Imagine not only reaching 100 years from when you were born, but also just look at how our world has changed and how fast over these past 100 years.  Exponentially so.... to the point that even I today, born only 36 years ago, am astounded by how fast everything is changing in the past 10 years and feel slightly dizzy most of the time.  I've got to give it up to Tata. She is alive in 2011. She is WELL, sO well and sound in health and mind, so present, and still so focused on life... all as she faces what might as well be an entirely new planet she lives on.

100 years... what a trip!  and the journey continues...... what are we going to do with it?                  We (will) Influence. 

we (will) influence          click to view

 

That is Z page for this week, and a reminder for me that our "resolutions," which I feel as my intentions, are activated by feeling it NOW, what is coming is already HERE, not out of my will, but out of my acknowledgment and meeting it with my action.  This year we meet the magic of what we've cultivated and discovered in the past 15 years via ZBOOK with actions that launch our work into arenas where we may influence others to discover the creative forces they are... and how vital that is to their lives and our world.  And we begin with young women, ages 11- 21.  Ahh, there's that number again: 11.  Pre-teens and teens and young adult women... we want to remind you that your very essence is unique and your expression of it is a thing of beauty... be yourself, it's okay, and not only that, it's extraordinary and important.  Allow yourself to play and BE so that you can continue to discover your authentic voice in this world and speak it into creations that (will) influence the world.  Life is indeed a trip! ...ENJOY the journey and discover your unique PART of it!

∞ ceci

6

week thirty seven >> "sanctioned madness" BLUE december

Indeed.  

I wish to offer some poetic and universal truth to enliven this weeks post... indeed.
Somewhere in the strength of my shoulders, those juices are swirling... indeed.

For now, I'm weakened, in the chaos of familial madness... indeed.
My sweet Grandma, bless her heart, laid out from last weeks masectomy... indeed.



encapsulated in madness' warm juices



And now, here, tonight, again in the clutches of hospital wing care... indeed.

A fall, broken hip, otherside, to add to her recovery list...indeed.

Angel keepers, white and blue, please look down, showering starlight through her window...indeed.

Keep her warm, rested in calm, imbued with the love of all our prayers...indeed.

Blessings and healing thoughts go forth, take care, -J.G.

Tata

Today my grandma Tata is 99 years alive.....................................!!

Tata

When I was a super little cec I called her Tata, because I couldn't quite mouth "abuelita" which is of course "grandma" in spanish.  That became her name, even for my younger cousins.  As with all my family, Tata is from Colombia and she has lived in either Cartagena or Bogota all her life.  She was present for my birth in Mountain View, California in 1974 (the day after Tata's Bday in fact!) and stayed for a while then.... and when my parents split a couple years later she came to back to stay with me and my mom when I was 2 to 3 three years old.  My mom was working a lot and so it was me and Tata, discovering the world together; she was unfamiliar with the U.S. and I was unfamiliar with any place and so it was new and wild to us both.  Tata didn't speak engligh and I didn't speak spanish but we formed our own unspoken communication.  We gained an understanding and a intutive closeness.  A couple years later, when I was 5, I was sent to Cartagena for the summer, all on my own, to both sides of my family.  They were my family but I hardly knew a few of them, and most none at all.  But Tata was my anchor.  Not only did we have an established connection, she was the only one who was truly present with me, spoke and listened to me like a person, had a special sensibility to my needs, and understood that I was already quite independent by this age and so didn't treat me like baby.  I hadn't grown up with any Colombian culture, food, or speaking spanish so it was challenging for me... and my family who expected me to be the Colombian of my blood, but I was so very much "gringa."  I did learn spanish in those 3 months and I returned to Cartagena every summer of my youth.  Every time Tata was my bedrock.  Summers away from my parents were tough, but it was great to get to know my family and this city... and I thank god for every day with my Tata... and how amazing is it that at 36 years old (which I turn tomorrow) that I get to continue to enjoy her company!  I didn't get to grow up with her close by, but the days we get together continue to add up and I am so grateful.  Thanks to Tata who has taken such good care of herself, and thanks to her radiant health.  At 99 she has no imbalances in mind or body, not even arthritis.  Only her walking and hearing has dimmed somewhat, but she actually remains incredibly strong and agile.  Her mind and awareness are so sharp, so keen, it's mind blowing.  And she just told me that the glasses she wears don't actually help much her to see or read, she just like to wear them because she thinks they help her look nice... so her eyesight rocks too!  Tata loves to stay up late, most nights till past midnight.  Just last night as I was fading at our late night dinner table out on the town, Tata was all riled up, totally outlasting me!  Well she has outlasted most, born in 1911 ...it's fascinating to think about how the world has transformed in unimaginable ways all around her during these 99 years.

"fortune"       click to view

Last night we took a "paseo" around "El Centro" the old colonial city center of Cartagena and visited all the houses she grew up in 'till she was 30 years old.  Story after story after story flowed from her as we walked (her in a sleek transport chair we just got for her).  It was awesome.  It was just Tata and my mom and I, the 3 of us generations of daughters.  I am so grateful to both these women for the risks they took and dreams they worked so hard to realize, making it possible for me to live a life of choice and creative freedom.  Being with them both this week, listening to my abuelita's stories, receiving her wisdom, receiving my own great blessings, and being so ever grateful for my life... this is my great fortune.


happy new year Tata!  Te quiero con todo mi alma. 
∞ ceci
6

week twenty>> "fortune"

"fortune" click to view

Hello from Cartagena Colombia! I am here visiting my grandma Tata and celebrating her birthday of 99 years alive, and how grateful I am for how alive she is...! Her robust health has made it possible for us to enjoy more days of life together, during our precious visits to each other in my lifetime, as I was born and raised in California and she was born and lives in Cartagena. At 99 and counting she is in radiant health sustaining her sharp and sound mind. Her body had slowed some, but her vitality, reflexes, and strength endure. She was born in 1911 before automobiles, refrigeration, or even the phone. Now look at our world. Whoa. Tata's perseverance throughout this last crazy century is breathtaking.


Z page this week, "Fortune" is a showcase of portraits, females of different ages, each gleaming their particular flare. Jennifer mentioned that the one black and white portrait on the lower left reminds her of my grandma Tata, which is interesting as there is a black and white portrait of Tata in her youth here in her home that could very well be from the same era. ...I myself feel an affinity with this page... for ever since I drew the swirly figure on the right I have identified with it, first of all because of the swirls, as the spiral gesture has become a sort of signature for me, as an expression of my curls, my favorite number 6, and all the "C"s in my name... and then because the swirly one stands on this stage like platform, also in spiral form, and her wafts of expression could very well be song, just as I do sing and love the stage. The woman in black and white seems to be gazing up at swirly cec. It's true that I have had the great fortune to receive the avid support of my Tata in all my creative adventures, in the name of her wanting nothing less than my happiness... and I do not take this lightly since she was born in a world operating from a mindset of 2 centuries ago and she could have easily placed oppressive expectations on how I should live, the ones she grew up with and did even place on her own daughter, my mom. I am so grateful for her putting my happiness first in her heart and being a witness to my life experience.. and thus to what is possible for a woman to live.


∞ ceci
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week nineteen>> "5:40 a.m"

5:40 a.m. translates into pieces of the moment.
Here I am, at 7:59 a.m., on a Tuesday – about to explode the day into movement and action and joy – preparing for the days and weeks, and months, as they are knocking at my door. I love to write and read. If I could spend more hours, every so often in the week for writing and reading, I would sit and do it –


Oh my, hey wow, look here, I’m doing it!!! Thank you ZBOOK, I love you,
And thank you dear Ceci for collaborating so amazingly... you are a dynamite
Collaborator – keep it up!! Whoo hooo,
Man I sound like a Coach (shout out!)... and Oh my, goodness sakes,
Here Iam!!!

"5:40 am"    click to view

sliced in Tori      click to view

This beautiful spew spread of words and words, 5:40 am, is possibly the epitome of journaling – of what a journal is to so many people. As I strain to read it, because I have a desire to engulf these pages as we enter them and explore them... it seems to me that much of it is from Ceci, much of the breadth – and I find myself in there too – more like a punch in the arm or a hough of wind. I could relate that experience to this blog for me too – thus far, our discipline has been settling with it – like a yoga or stretching discipline settles in.

I think another title for this spread could be ‘naked’ or ‘naked lighting’. When I sliced in Tori Amos’ back at the piano to this page, it was directly from the white cover cd. Somewhere else in zbook is a spliced in set of lyrics from that same album...it’s a good one – I think I’ll search it out this week and listen! Truth for me says that that image, only comes to inflated speed with the energy of the naked female light bulb moment; and I have no memory for who added that one ... Bueller, Bueller...?? And then, doesn’t the word PLUSH just SING~ ~ ~!!!

This page is like that picture, topsy turvy and playing and searching in naked moments of time. I love the blue waves – Ceci says they are nipples ~~~and, she’s right, look at those mammaries – GORGEOUS!

 So, when I came to this post, I wanted to share a moment of time from this morning ... After my morning mini-walk and airy stretch, I attempted to walk a three-fold walk –
a spacially dynamic charged practice. So, I did a few steps of just the feet walk, to connect with the streams, then turned to add arms, and I went blank. So, I then turned to move a side bend pose, a movement with similarity to yoga stretches, but different! Nothing – So, I decided I was very thankful I took a good page of notes this past Friday when I worked with my Spacial Dynamics mentor – and I ended my morning movement with half a sun salutation – and a push up eploration!


A last thought image – one I shared with Ceci last Thursday when we met to make opening marks on our new sketchbook project....!
I’m reading EAT, PRAY, LOVE, it’s my bathroom and late night book; a hand me down from my Grandma’s friend, Hearty, to my Grandma and now to me.   An old Balinese medicine-man shares a picture he woke from a dream to draw – it’s an image of a body rooted to the ground on four legs, with torso uplifted and ferns sprouting from the shoulders...this is one of my meditations this week / month, and it’s reflecting in so many places already!

Now to kids and house and in a way, my last day of summer freedom – with adult obligations and commitments – oh to be a kid – without those time boundaries, don’t we all wish that for our youngins in the summer (and more of course!)
Be well and see you soon per chance!
-Jennifer

soul sisters

           * click all images for large view*  (thanks to my mama for capturing most of these)

Last weekend I had the privilege and honor to participate in the Agape Soul Sisters Retreat at the Temescal Gateway Park in Pacific Palisades.  Like last year, my amazing mom gifted me this experience.  I have to admit, in my life I haven't been exactly enthralled by all women's gatherings.  In fact most of my life the majority of my friends have been dudes.  Of course though I have had and have a handful of very close friends who are women, they are indeed sisters to my heart and soul, who's friendships have graced my life.  I just have felt more comfortable in groups with both genders, generally.  So when my mom invited me to this retreat last year, I was like, cool, okay, this should be nice, a weekend with the ladies.  

Little did I know that I would be blown away by the experience of this outstanding group of people, each one so very beautiful... with unique stories, qualities, talents, and vision.  Experiencing this diversity of backgrounds, ages, shapes and sizes, affinities, voices, gifts, colors, and beauty was like swimming in a vast body of rich, life renewing, multi-sourced mineral water where a million earthly rivers did converge, powerfully refreshing.  I felt like I was in a power plant of human magnificence.  And I walked away from that weekend and into the world looking at EVERY human being with a slight tilt of my head and little grin wondering, I bet you are amazing aren't you, if I were to stop and listen to your stories, reveal who you are and what you are creating, I would discover you beautiful, I can feel it.  EVERYone, female or male, after that simply radiated to me.  And this feeling made me feel beautiful.  Helped me feel my own beauty.  Healing.

Well, this year was again a prolifically inspiring convergence of human beings. I am honored to be a part of it, to participate in this deep think-feel-be-flourish tank, to give and receive the gift of vulnerability, openness, and TRUST that is the ultimate strength and power. 

counsel of wise women, 2009

Quite possibly the most profound and wonderful part of this retreat is the counsel of wise women, our elders, who greet us as daughters when we arrive to the opening gathering on friday, and on saturday we gather around for "Tell Mama," a time that anyone can express something or ask a question to our elder women for a reflection from their earnest wisdom.  And at our closing ceremony on sunday, as we honor each season of age of all the women present, when we get to the "New Spring" to honor the amazing counsel of wise women, well, my heart busts into a million grateful pieces as I behold their grace.  I saw my grandma Tata up there standing with them, and out of total joy I humbly cried and gave thanks.  I am going soon to visit my grandma Tata to celebrate her 99 years alive!

my mama (far right), her wonderful friends
who headed the call, and me (on far left)

These are prayer squares (at right).  You carry yours with you and with a friend you present it and ask your friend for a prayer.  Your friend, in agreement, signifies the prayer by tying a knot with it's strings. And now you carry with you a visual and tactile reminder that your prayer is alive, and as these exchanges continue so do grow the prayers and their knots on your prayer square.  These were made by a group of women at the retreat for all of us.  I was gifted my square as well as another to gift to a friend. Yesterday I gave it to Jennifer and we exchanged prayers and knots. These are our squares in our hands.

Quan Yin statue reflecting at the soul sister alter

"good witch"      click to view

Our stories, our creativity, our gifts and what we give... I am waking up to that these are our expressions yes, AND they are the way we heal... ourselves, and one another.  Our medicine is the art and the stories of our lives.  In this sense we are medicine women and shamans.  Medicine women were deemed witches not long ago... and sO  we re-claim ourselves to that of a "good witch" like Glinda, here on Z page this week, beautiful and powerful because of her compassion, love and healing Grace.

in love & gratitude

∞ ceci

6

Life is so fi-lipin' Bizarre

'HOT'- a spread with a thousand stories.
click for larger view

Oh my, oh my oh my , oh my, oh my ohh,

it is HOT tonight L.A.,

sweltering heats in the sheets.

All babes are still,

let's take a thrill, down loves eternal flame.

Closet covers layed to coat,

rocking chair, breasts so bare,

edge of bed, back-yard moat,

 living - room, boom bam boom.

Feelin' right, burning light,

ear's sharp sight - faint Saint churning.

Mamma's there, touch and care,

roll to Daddy's burn, returning.

And so, into the dark, tonight, before climbing into my husbands bed...

my thoughts were dear, in flight to steer, my grandmothers home brocade.

In Pico's care, my hearts sheer tear, will sleep, god rest her mind.

'Ancestors behind po-em voices, a few.'
see week  ____for more         -J. Gould

Fruit and water, air and caller, sweety dreams, weary genes.

Yeay, Grandma is home, in her city, friends to caw.

Brave, tired and bossy, sucking gummies and straw.

and for god's sake, "She's not moving!

Tonight, suitcases were loaded, windows adjusted,

and beds to master remotes.

Tonight, roses were gathered, with rosemary and lavendar,

glass vase with a star in one side.

Kisses and hugs, gentle eyes, great big sighs,

we're in need of deep-tissue massage.

Perhaps, when its clear, this new path,

secret seer, takes a hand in the blooming brigade.

And till then, I, myself, every day onward boating,

every moment, swiftly floating.

But tonight, sweat and pet, groove and grind, 

don't be kind, till you're met with your partners straight line.

more to come,

 -J. Gould

Dancer Be Well

Eight hours ago my grandma fell and broke her femur bone at the hip.  She's in surgery to receive a rod through the length of her largest leg bone.  I'm feeling a drowsy, nautious imbalance.  Please pray for healing and strength of thought for all our family.  This event has activated my pulsations to my cousin family.  We have been speaking and e-mailing as I update Grandma's condition.  It is a great relief to feel the warmth of support from friends and family... it is a huge hug of invisible arms allowing one to float - mahalo!

Infinity's Hula Dancer

My Grandma, Great-Grandma to my children, is 92 years old as of March this year.  She is a dancing queen.  You have never seen anyone strut their stuff till you've seen my Grandma.  In her youth and adulthood before marriage and children, she was a professional tap dancer, touring the states with the George White Scandals dancing troupe.  Before, during, and after that, she was a movie star with Gene Autry and Roy Rogers, specializing in dance and song numbers.  She looks great in Black and White and Technicolor.  Grandma Pearl's stage name was Carol Adams.  She met my Grandpa when she was doing a "soundie", where she was the star of an early music video; she tapped and danced, and maybe occassionally lip synced to a song of the day.  My cousin-in-law, Don Smith has done some tremendous research and gathering of Grandma's record of work from internet and such, and connected her with current celebrations of the golden age of Hollywood, where she is revered for her spry youthfulness and beauty.

"infinity"    click to view

Infinity's subject, the Hula dancer, is a celebration of the spirit of the dancer, the gesture of the dance.  There is no dance in me which does not have its roots, its ancestry in my grandma's shared dancing.  I honor her with these words and with my prayerful thoughts, and I send out my heart to ask for others healing prayers and loving thoughts toward my Grandma's recovery here in Maui. 


Blessings to you all and peace to all nations. 
Humbly,
Jennifer Gould