trust

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Looking at this "indulge" page it's hard to know where to focus. There are so many layers of different lines, shapes, and colors, and so chaotic in relation that it reminds me of acid jazz. Makes a lot of sense though considering the very first layer of the page was a storm itself. The words of our brainstorm for our colab show Indulge, back in 1996, written the first day of sharing this co-journal (!). The energy of those days must have been imprinted on the page because the shapes and lines that eventually emerged from it are all kinds of crazed.

Indulge was our first collaboration together. The first time we were officially putting our creative synergy to work. After the initial excitement, we got to work and soon found ourselves confronted with unexpected challenges. Perhaps we had taken our special bond for granted and assumed that because our co-creative play was so fluid that our co- creative work would follow suit. But here you had two very bold and independent individuals who were used to running their own ships. We now had choices to make- together. Roles to take on and now also give up. Shapes of visions to pursue and now also compromise. I discovered that although we shared an instant soul connection and kinship, the depths of out trust were still yet to be developed. I remember feeling rather shocked and disorientated, not knowing what was occurring, not being able to recognize that it was trust that was lacking in the moments of discord. Frankly, I couldn't fathom that trust could be an issue at all between us. But I was underestimating the great undertaking it is to create in partnership. Great and noble, that is if you can create boldly and humbly at the same time, and if you can truly trust each other's instincts and the independent life of the co-process.

It was a fantastic experience, that show. A vital one for us as artists and collaborators and friends. It was our reality check that our creative working relationship was not to be assumed into existence but instead was something to be developed and honed. I grew to see that we GET to develop and strengthen our art, our collaboration, our trust-- like any composition in the making. And that is precisely what we continued to do, little by liitle, more and more, for 14 years in the creation of ZBOOK. I remember our first drawings in ZBOOK were done in separate corners, so careful not to interfere with each other. Then slowly but surely at some point beginning to intertwine. And then a few years in, bold moves began in painting or collaging on top of other images, changing the entire essence of a page. That takes trust, on both sides, to let go and let it become. And when you do give that trust and receive it, wow, it feels amazing. Amazing to allow a piece to become what it must despite the ideas of your own mind. In the last 4 years we have been bringing closure to ZBOOK together, working the pages simultaneously (after ten years of switching it back and forth over distance and time). It has been exhilarating to observe the fluidity with which we now create together, like visually finishing each other's sentences. Yes we are amazing friends, but it is the amount of time and attention we have given to our co-creative work, via ZBOOK, that has cultivated the trust that makes the level of our collaboration today possible.

Thank you ~J~ from the depths of my soul for your incredible collaboration and amazing trust. love u.

∞ ceci

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