pieces of Cec

outlines of color gradients from gesture strokes beneath
detail of "unfolding at dawn" Jan 2010.... click for larger view

When a drawing's ink goes through to the other side of the page, the shapes that are relieved on that other side cannot be denied.  These shapes are fragments, "negative" space, that the mind then can reconnect into a transformed and new whole.  When I see these shapes revealed through the bled-through ink lines I am instantly compelled to outline them.  I love to create new whole formations and new possibilities out of discarded parts; that must be why I love to outline everything!  Isolating shapes of color or opacity creates a new visual playground to embark from.  I like to discover which images emerge and allow their forms to mutate in my mind, like when gazing upon the clouds.

"enjoy the ride" click for larger view

"identity"  click for larger view

On the left side of this week's "enjoy the ride" we see shapes created by ink lines that came through from the other side's marker drawing of Fiona (as seen in last week's "identity").  So of course I outlined these shapes, the ones in pink, and Jennifer later came in with black to give some outlining to the less defined shapes around Fiona, which I love because it reveals a sort of aura of hers.  Followed by another aura layer of Jennifer's silver force field lines, and then by my red emanating lines, I would say that this side of the page reveals Fiona's energetic body.

This is profound for me because her emanation casts upon the fragmented face that I painted in Guadalajara in 1997 while recovering from an accident I had months before.  In 1996, the year that Jennifer and I discovered our friendship, I was in a major bicycle accident in which I flew over the handlebars and the entire impact of my landing was endured by my face and skull therein.  It marks a significant launching point in my life, one that presented the opportunity for me to dispel identities of victimhood from my life, and to reclaim myself whole, in more ways than one.  I had felt quite fragmented already as a person since some experiences in my childhood, and then BAM the literal translation came as half my face was torn up to the tune of 300 stitches in reconstructive surgery.   I was so driven at the time to meet my pre-set goals that it took me months to finally take the time off I needed to recuperate. Although these months, during which I forced myself back to school, were rough, it was also the time when ZBOOK with born (!) and Jennifer and I had our first collaboration together "Indulge."  The show (and my recovering brain and face) presented tough but important challenges for us (see trust).

faces done in marker, 1997 journal
click for larger view

When I finally did surrender to ceasing my "doing" to recover my living, I went to Guadalajara where Vinh, my partner at the time, was studying medicine.  It was May and Vinh's year finished a month after my arrival.  He went home to California for a summer month and I had space alone to recoup.  It was during this time I began to paint these faces, painted as if in pieces, but really I was simply emphasizing the individual shapes of the face, allowing negative space to provide the (out)lines.  Sometime later after painting the silver one on Z page that later became known as "enjoy the ride", I went back and wrote an anecdote of this critical time with in the negative space lines in the face.  

"Enjoy the Ride" Jennifer added years later.  I don't even know if she was aware at the time that the face is in connection to my bicycle "ride."  It's perfect.  Because although I wouldn't have signed up for it, my "accident" was a great blessing and opportuntiy for me to piece myself back together, beyond my face and brain, to get back in touch with and reclaim all the Cec I thought I had lost, that I thought was taken from me during past emotional trauma as an adolescent.  And I could only do this within the stillness I had never before allowed myself to have.  I had to FACE myself and know who I was, despite the transfigured and fragmented face I carried while all my sutures were healing.  For I am not this face or this body, truly.  I am who I am at my very essence of being ...Cec. The particular frequency of my own spirit, my energetic body emanating from within, chemistrizing with the world and with you.  And no one can take that away from me.  And so I give great gratitude for my "ride" as a vital rite of passage in the great ride of life.  Enjoy the the ride!

∞ ceci